My Life in Brain Injuries

I recently wrote a piece enumerating problems TBIs might cause. (https://wordpress.com/post/mylifeinbraininjuries.com/209 published 4/2/23)

To restate & abbreviate:

• Constant headache and/or neck pain
• Difficulty with attention, concentration, memory, planning and/or decision making.
• Difficulty or slowness with processing information speaking, seeing, hearing, or thinking.
•  Easily confused or gets lost often.
• Lack of energy/motivation
• Loss of libido
• Loss of inhibitions
• Change in sleep habits.
• Change in appetite – over or under eating.
• Dizziness, loss of balance and feeling light-headed.
• Loss of sense of taste or smell
• Exaggerated sense of smell
• Ringing in the ears
• Emotional lability

 “In sickness and in health” is a promise often made with the mindset that “sickness” is a temporary condition – we either heal from or succumb to an illness, right? Unfortunately, there’s a huge and uncomfortable terrain between those two outcomes.

Most folks think of brain injuries as an event rather than a process or an illness. We also tend to think of TBIs as affecting only the individual injured.  I invite you to consider the above issues as having profound effects on relationships – the injured and their loved ones, friends, and co-workers. You marry a person, there’s a boating accident and you discover you have a new partner. An employee with unique skills is in a car crash and loses her capacity to work. A parent falls when putting up the Christmas lights and can no longer earn a paycheck or read to the kids. There may be no change in appearance, but there may be dramatic changes in how that person interacts with you and others.

I’ve collected quotes from clients or their family members to illustrate some situations. I will present it with commentary over the next few posts. (There are many quotes.)

[Appreciation to Nan Dunne, who inspired me to organize this content.]

Constant headache and/or neck pain

It takes a great deal of focus and maturity to invest energy in relationships despite pain. Chronic pain is a constant drain.

Lydia, a 36-year-old housewife and mother of three, developed nearly constant migraines after a fender bender seven years before.  The headaches sapped her energy. “Trying to fix dinner and help the kids with their homework is more than I can manage. Talking while in pain hurts so much, I just avoid it. I guess I thought my husband would understand.” By the time Lydia came in for neurofeedback, her marriage was in jeopardy.

“Ever since Tim’s accident, he’s been in pain. He’s lost his sense of humor, his energy, his interest in me and our home. I know he hurts, but I can’t keep giving.”

Max had been active in sports throughout school, but during soccer season of his sophomore year in high school, there was an incident when he and another player had a head-on collision. He was noticeably disoriented and removed from the game. Two and half years later he was still having headaches. School work had become very difficult, and he had trouble focusing in class. He had gone from being academically and socially engaged to sullen and depressed. “School used to be easy, and I loved going out for sports, but sports are no longer an option and I can’t get through my homework without a headache. I hate this life.”

Difficulty with attention, concentration, memory, planning and/or decision making.

Kathie, a 43-year-old former school administrator, had been happily unaware that her family and friends were frustrated with her. She chatted all day, recounting stories from her past, but did not realize she was repeatedly telling the same people the same stories until her sister lost her patience. In addition, Kathie could no longer be counted on to plan the many family events. “Kathie was always the organized one in the family,” her sister told me. “We knew something was wrong, but nobody connected it with the car accident. She walked away from that. A few months later I was supposed to meet her at the mall near her house to shop for our mom’s birthday party, but when I called to find out what was keeping her, she said she didn’t know what I was talking about. Then there was the family picnic at the beach when Kathie showed up three hours late with a basket full of empty Tupperware. She looks the same, but she’s not Kathie.”

Because he had always been in charge of the finances in their family, Tony insisted on continuing in that role even after he’d had a serious head injury. He  rebuffed his wife when she tried to intervene because he did not want to give up his role as “The Decider”. His wife told me she was frantic, “He trusts total strangers with our savings. I have had to watch him like a hawk ever since I found out he co-signed on a stranger’s car loan .”  

  I have seen this phenomenon fairly frequently and I believe it has to do with the pressure of decision making. When someone is charming and presents an idea with confidence it is easy to be swept up in the moment. On the other hand, friends and family members come with “baggage”. Our relationships with them are more complex and after a brain injury that very complexity may make us less trusting of their motivations. In addition, accepting the simple conclusion of a stranger can be less confusing than the burden of making a decision. When the brain has been “reorganized” by an injury, it’s hard to go from one thought to another – let alone make a choice.

NEXT TIME: Sensory processing problems.